The word "homosexual" always seem a bit harsher and less friendly than the word "gay." Often implying a degree of pathology, it's a pseudo-clinical term most frequently used by those opposed to same-sex relations. Admittedly, it's rather effective. Indeed even as a gay man, the term "homosexual rights" does sound less appealing than "gay rights."

And there is a conservative Christian news site called onenewsnow.com that knows this very well.

Like many news outlets, onenewsnow.com reprints articles from the Associated Press. They also apparently take it upon themselves to change the wording in some of these articles. Many of the articles are edited to replace the word "gay" with the word "homosexual."

This "minor" change doesn't always yield the desired results, though... particularly when "Gay" is your last name. This AP report:



Became this:

From this article...


QUOTE: [formatting added]

Urging the United States Supreme Court to tackle the issue in 2000, lawyers for Christie Lee Littleton, a Texas male-to-female transsexual suing her husband’s doctors for wrongful death, noted the confused landscape: “Taking this situation to its logical conclusion, Mrs. Littleton...

-while in San Antonio, Texas, is a male and has a void marriage;
-as she travels to Houston, Texas, and enters federal property, she is female and a widow;
-upon traveling to Kentucky she is female and a widow;
-but, upon entering Ohio, she is once again male and prohibited from marriage;
-entering Connecticut, she is again female and may marry;
-if her travel takes her north to Vermont, she is male and may marry a female;
-if instead she travels south to New Jersey, she may marry a male.”


Don't you just love how the government tells us who we are and who we can marry?

Don't Say "Gay"
A proposed state law would ban any discussion of homosexuality in elementary and middle schools.
BY BIANCA PHILLIPS | JANUARY 31, 2008

...Representative Stacey Campfield of Knoxville filed a bill last week that would prevent public elementary and middle schools from allowing "any instruction or materials discussing sexual orientation other than heterosexuality."...

[link]

I'm pretty sure that my favorite part of this webpage was the reader comment at the bottom:

WTF - this sounds like it should be in Mississippi!

There's a gay guy on this season of The Real World named Davis. I was watching an episode this morning where Davis' boyfriend, PJ, comes to visit the house. Davis introduces PJ to everyone in the house, and one of the girls makes a remark about how much the boyfriends look like each other.

Davis says, "I know. That's why I like him. I've always had a crush on myself, and I finally found someone..." at which point he trails off into a nervous laughter and says, "I'm just kidding!"

But I sometimes wonder if that's actually one of the most honest things I've ever heard from a gay guy.

I believe that one of the core conceptual premises of male homosexuality is narcissism. In addition to being stereotypically obsessed with their own attire, grooming, etc., gay men often end up with partners who look, dress, and act remarkably similar to themselves.

I make this assertation with a few understandings and concessions. This isn't necessarily the case for every gay man, and it's possible that in some ways this self-obsession extends into other sub-cultures, relationships, and sexualities as well. Furthermore, I can't say whether self-admiration falls more into the cause or effect side of same-sex attraction. It's also important to shed the pejorative implications that society has placed on the word "narcissism."

All that said, it's undeniably prevalent. I'll even confess that it shows up in my own life. I know what particular styles I like; hair styles, clothes, body type, etc. Based on those preferences, I not only model myself, but it also guides me in choosing a partner. None of this is to imply that my choice in boys is based purely on looks. It's just defines the types to which I tend to be attracted.

And which comes first? Do I find these boys attractive and thus decide that looking and dressing like them will make me hot? Or do I find myself attractive and thus seek out boys with my same style? Or is it an indefinable patchwork of the two?

There are examples of this everywhere. I know that by now the reference seems trite, but honestly go look at almost any gay boy's myspace. You can't look me in the eye and tell me that we don't think we're just pure sex. In an article on doubleviking.com entitled "Why You Need an Evil Clone," one of the top five reasons they list is so that "you can have sex with it." And the author is right on target. I guarantee you that if given the chance almost any gay boy would have sex with himself.

Those of you who know me at all know that I am OH SO TOTALLY IN LOVE with Ryan North's Dinosaur Comics. Yesterday, Ryan posted the following awesome-AS-USUAL comic...



I commented on the livejournal feed of this comic, saying...

Utahraptor should write a complementary book for women and gay dudes on how to get a dude to like you. Ya know, considering that he has homosexual tendencies and all.

I WOULD TOTALLY BUY THAT BOOK.

...and Ryan TOTALLY followed up on it with today's comic! He said...

this comic TRIES to make up for the fact that in the last comic i made the assumption that all dudes were heterosexual dudes, but then subtly shoots me in the foot by building a 'dudes / gay dudes' dichotomy which implicitly and linguistically suggests that heterosexuality is the norm, so yeah, UNINTENTIONAL BIAS IN LANGUAGE HUH

RYAN NORTH IS MY HERO!

Today is National Coming Out Day. Five years ago this week, I began the process for myself by making a trip home from college to come out to my parents. Over these past five years I have come out to so many people that today I can't even think of someone left to come out to.

Thanks to all those wonderful people in my life like katherinemorrow who let me stay at her house when I had nowhere else to go. It's people like you that helped make my life what it is today. I love you for it.

Relationships are such a strange animal. I find it strange that there is actually far more Biblical precedent for open relationships than there is for monogamy, especially with the myriad of Old Testament accounts of polygamy, concubines, levirate marriage, etc. Yet, despite all those examples, I still believe that God designed us to be monogamous creatures. Perhaps it is my own arrogance. Perhaps I am creating my own God the way I want to see Him.

---

Hearing my boyfriend say that he wanted an open relationship was much like a slap to the face. I felt like he was saying, "I guess I want to stay in this relationship, but you're really not enough for me. I need more, and I don't think you can provide that." But obviously much of that interpretation is my own insecurity. I fear being left for something bigger and better; younger and hotter; new and improved. I've explained this insecurity to Elliott, and I can't explain how wonderful he is about reassuring me. He always makes a point to remind me that he's so committed to us, and he constantly makes sure that he's giving me enough attention. I've never had anyone with whom I've been able to discuss problems and who actually works to help me with those problems. He actually listens to what I say, remembers it, and makes an effort to take appropriate action. It just blows my mind everytime.

---

Relationships are tough. I'd say gay relationships are probably tougher, primarily because our culture has made them such. Growing up, I had virtually no exposure to gay culture whatsoever. I kind of knew the definition of the word gay, but that was about it. I didn't understand that there were different rules and expectations for gay couples. I didn't understand that they didn't all just date like "normal" people; get married like "normal" people. I didn't know that there was a huge subculture of partying and promiscuity and substance abuse and...

It was only after I came out and started going to clubs that I began to be exposed to these kinds of things. I saw guys making out with other guys and then saying that they had boyfriends. I watched a guy intentionally pour beer on my brand new jeans and then offer to lick it off of me. I saw men groping each other and witnessed anonymous hookups in bathrooms and overheard harsh break ups over cheating and...

It was all such a shock to me. I had always assumed that gay men were just like straight men, except that instead of wives, they had husbands. And as much as I would like that to be true, for many, many guys it is not so. Open relationships are extremely common, assuming that those two guys actually attempt a relationship at all. And this really upsets me.

No. It enrages me.

I've seen writings by LGBT community members who, instead of fighting for marriage equality, prefer to promote the abolition of marriage, citing it as an archaic institution that no longer serves a purpose in our post-modern culture. But I couldn't disagree more strongly. I do agree with Elliott that I don't necessarily need a piece of paper to validate my love for someone, but why such the fuss if we do want one?

That, I have always said, is the primary reason that gay culture is the way it is. Society told GLBT people for decades that their feelings were wrong and dirty; something to be ashamed of and to hide. Instead of encouraging them to find someone, pursue a committed relationship, and live a happy life, they were relegated to the bars, and the clubs, and the bath houses. They lived as "normal" human beings during the hours of eight to five, and came out like criminals in the night to attempt to feed their need for connection in all the wrong ways.

What needs to happen instead is finally - slowly - coming to pass. Straight people and gay people are starting to accept the concept same-sex marriage, whether legal or otherwise. And I often feel like it's a harder sell in the gay community than it is to the straights. Gays will scream and whine and protest all day long that we don't have equal rights, and that we're oppressed, and that we're second class citizens, and...

And then three quarters of those guys go out to the club later that night with the sole purpose of finding that night's trick. The only reason they fight for same-sex marriage is so that they can play the "oppressed" card. It sickens me.

Perhaps I have too little faith in my people. But I honestly don't think I'm being at all biased. I think we have gone too long being the hated minority, and we can't get out of that rut that it pushed us into. It's going to take a long, long time for us to become "normal."

The Five Love Languages
My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		11
Physical Touch:		10
Words of Affirmation:		5
Acts of Service:		3
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information
Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

I hate writing a new entry when I feel like I haven't had closure on the previous one. I always try to respond to all the comments I receive. On the last entry I wrote, though, I still haven't figured out what I want to say to each of you. I really appreciate everyone's input, so here's a collective reply.

At this point, I'm still pursuing the school. I feel conflicted, but I think this is the best way for me to handle it. I want to learn and follow a Godly path in my life, but I also want to work for equality. I feel like if I take a stand then I've made a strong point, but in a way I would be putting my sexuality as a priority above my God. And making an idol out of myself is something I never want to do.

On the other hand I feel like if I keep quiet and do nothing then I'm only making matters worse. I'm contributing to the epidemic "don't ask, don't tell" mindset of America. I often take issue with the "it's-only-lying-if-you-deny" school of thought, as I was always raised to strive for full disclosure or else be found guilty of lying by omission.

All that said, for now I am putting the issue aside and avoiding the topic for awhile. To be fair, as was suggested by a friend, I have no intention of treating this as a guilty until proven innocent situation. I don't know for sure that the college would even care. Heck, for all I know they could have a GSA. But either way, I won't know until I bring it up and ask. I do not in the least bit find it unreasonable that I would want to know whether or not I would be fully and completely accepted in a place that I intend to spend a great deal of my next few years.

So for now, perhaps I have come to somewhat of a consensus. Since I've already more or less committed to at least this semester, I'll go in with an eager mind and an open heart. And when I feel best that the issue should be brought up and discussed, I will then cross that bridge.

And thanks again to all my great lj buddies who care so much about me. Myspace is cool and has its place I guess, but lj is so much more real. Thanks, guys.

I registered for fall semester classes at Williamson Christian today. I've been considering it for a while now, and today I finally went over there to fill out the re-admission paperwork.

I've done coursework at Williamson before, and it's curriculum that I absolutely adore studying. With classes like "Paul's New Testament Letters", "Life of Christ", and "Literature of C.S. Lewis", I'm basically in academic heaven. So as you can imagine I was really excited about the idea of going back.

... that is, until this evening at dinner. I met a group of friends at LaHa tonight and was talking with lanier about my school. She said that she knew someone who had been kicked out of Williamson Christian when the school found out that she'd had an abortion.

Of course, this shocked me and made me wonder what sort of fate I should face were the school to find out that I'm gay. I started to feel a bit guilty about hiding this from them. But was I even "hiding"? I mean, how often does the topic of conversation come up at course registration? I hadn't been intentionally vague or anything of the sort. The matter quite simply never came up.

Later in the evening, we were talking about the rather unaccepting environment that our beloved Wilco offers to gay people, and imaginationryan mentioned that he probably wouldn't feel comfortable working at a church. I said that it wouldn't necessarily be that bad and said that I myself worked at a church. Then lanier reminded me, "Yeah, but you kind of cheat."

And it struck me how true that was. Ever since I came out to my parents, I've been one of the biggest coming out advocates that I know. I've always been one to tell people that, yes, the consequences can be bad, but you always emerge from the rubble as a better person for it. Yet, despite all of my preaching to myself and others, I am now poised to hide my true self in two of the largest area of my life.

How can I do that with a clean conscience? It's the epitome of hypocrisy and the worst possible attempt at personal integrity. I hate to give up the opportunity for this great education, and I strongly feel that I am impacting countless lives in teaching at church.

But at what cost does this come?

It's amazing the kind of connection that a man and woman can have. Watching the series finale of Will & Grace tonight, I started seriously thinking about this kind of unique relationship. I've had a few Gracie's in my life, and those relationships do tend to follow a relatively predictable pattern. Sarah and I spent all our waking hours together, through and despite our own romatic entanglements, eventually culminating and faltering in our decision to raise a child together. Andrea and I lived together for years, each at one point taking a wayward path for our own pursuit of other boys. Mauri and I have a deeper connection than I feel with anyone else in my life right now, and I often fear the day when something tears that apart.

Grace once accused Will of only being happy when she was miserable, and I can understand how she would believe that. It isn't really that Will wants her to be miserable; he just can't stand the thought of being replaced. And when your Grace finds a man of her own, leaving room in her life for her Will is often a difficult line to walk.

This love is a difficult one to describe. It isn't quite romantic, but it's far more than platonic. It isn't quite sexual, but it's miles from brother-sister. It's a deep and serious love that no man in my life has ever been able to match. It's a desire to protect and a longing to provide. It's an obligation to do everything in your power to make the best life possible for this woman God has given you.

I often wonder about the origin of these types of relationships. Is this a natural bond because God intended for man and woman to be together, or is it an inevitable product of our heterosexist culture? Is this the kind of bond we are supposed to experience with our mate, or is this simply a unique situation born out of our unique roles in life?

Perhaps these are questions we can't expect absolute answers to, and yet answers to which many may have very firm opinions on. Nevertheless, the bond is quite real and quite strong, and I for one am thankful for my very own Grace.

My sister is writing an essay of definition on the word "gay" for her junior English class. This is the rough draft. Please feel free to comment and and critique, as I know many of you are great at doing so. :)

---

An Essay of Definition

Think back forty years ago. It’s 1971, and America is on the threshold of abolishing racism; that is, America is reversing nearly everyone’s way of life by combining blacks and whites at events, churches, and schools. More than half the nation is flooded with panic; ridiculous questions run through American parents’ minds, as they wonder if their children will be okay riding a school bus with people of a different color.

The separation of a group of people from another group of people is a concept that most people under the age of forty would say they could not comprehend. Unfortunately, that would be a very untrue statement for them to make. Unrecognizably to most, the fight against segregation still goes on in America today, just with a different group of people. For many years the homosexual lifestyle has been unaccepted, shunned, and, by many, abhorred. Now, however, instead of the separation taking place between the large group of blacks and the large group of whites, the segregation is taking place between the extremely large group of heterosexuals, and the very tiny group of homosexuals- which only consists of about ten percent of the population.

Because of their sexual orientation, homosexuals are punished on a daily basis; punished in the sense that many of their dreams and rights are taken away. Due to the segregation in our society, same-sex couples cannot marry, nor adopt children. Not only are homosexuals legally limited with their actions, but, also, close-minded people regularly ridicule them.

The term “gay” is defined as bright or lively, especially in color. However, the term has become standard in its use to refer to homosexuals. Therefore, another dictionary definition for “gay” is of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of the same sex. Quite remarkably, though, “gay” is not defined as an adjective used to describe a strange, or dumb thing; this, unfortunately, is where the ignorance of society drops anchor.

Wrongly, people use terms such as “gay,” and “queer,” and “faggot” to describe people, and places, and things that are unusual or different. This is a major flaw in the American speech. It is completely discriminatory towards homosexuals, and does nothing but discourage people from coming out about their sexual feelings. Therefore, now is the time in which all should pay attention to the words that are used, and be aware of what is actually coming out of mouths. “Gay” is not to be used as a hurtful word, but rather to represent the lifestyle of those whom have sexual desires for people of the same sex.

With all the attention it's getting, I'm surprised I haven't heard much of anything from Christians in protest of Brokeback Mountain. I was interested today in what some Christian websites had to say about it, and I guess I shouldn't have been shocked with what I found, but WOW.

I've listed some links and quotes below. Any emphasis added is my own (my favorite is the first underlined section). Let me know what you think of these.

( they're under here! )

The next few days of study material don't particularly focus on issues that I struggle much with, so I'm skimming over and highlighting the points that were important to me.

Days four, five, six and seven focus on correcting our false images of God. Our inability to fully comprehend the nature and fullness of God necessitates our creation of man-made images to which we hold tight. Unfortunately, these images of God - being our own creations - are inherently flawed. Many of our ideas of the Lord come from experiences we've had with those who represent Christ to us: our families, our church leaders, our mentors. Our experiences of being outcast by our pastors or disowned by our families may lead us to conjure up an image of a God who rejects us and offers only conditional love. But this could not be farther from the truth. God loves us no matter what.

As I said to begin with, this is something I've never struggled with. Fortunately, I've always felt and known God's love. I know that we are all sinners and God still loves us all no matter what. And I know that there is nothing we can do to change that. So even if homosexuality was in fact sinful and abhorrent to God, there is not a shadow of doubt in my mind that God still loves me more than I can comprehend despite it all. And that's a great thing to be sure of.

( excerpts from Psalm 139... )

As lesbian and gay Christians struggling to be faithful in a homophobic church, our greatest weakness is the shame we harbor over our sexual orientation. Jesus was also put to shame, told he was sinful, and called one of the devil's own... these experiences make him able to sympathize with our weaknesses.

I can honestly say without a doubt that homophobia in the church stirs up plenty of negative feelings towards myself. In a Christian family and growing up in the church, you are clearly taught that God's plan for you is to grow up, find a wife, and start a family. When you first start to realize that you don't want a wife - that you want a husband instead - you get really scard. You wonder what this could possibly mean. You have faith in Christ, and you believe in the Scriptures. How in the world could you be one of those poor souls that the Bible so clearly damns to hell?

( Read more... )

Isaiah 45:9-12

So I read ahead. And now I'm quite possibly more confused than ever.

My mind is flying a thousand miles an hour in a thousand different directions. But the verse seems like a good place to start.

First off, I really think that this verse hits home for me, but I don't necessarily feel like it fully applies to this situation. I am very willing to accept the fact that God made me with physical attractions to other males, whether it be through a product of my genes, through life experiences in how I was raised, or a combination of the two. Like the verse says, who am I to question the way God made me?

Yet when I take it a step farther, I bounce between two conflicting views. Part of me says that it still doesn't justify acting on those attractions. People like Focus on the Family will clearly hold to that belief. While I may have a homosexual orientation, living a "gay lifestyle" is strictly a choice. And no one will ever convince me otherwise.

On the other hand, I see God - the living embodiment of love - and wonder how he could ever condemn any love between two people. It doesn't seem in God's nature to look down on two people who love each other - people who desperately want to spend their lives together - and say that He doesn't approve of their love. That to me is incomprehensible.

So at this point I've basically stated my beliefs and come to no conclusions, save the fact that God made me who I am and that He loves me.

( Now we get to the first part of the book that I cannot agree with. )

I was born when my mom was 17 and my dad was in his early twenties. They claim they got married before I was conceived, but I find that a bit difficult to believe. How many sixteen year old high school sophomores get married if not prompted by an unexpected pregnancy?

My parents divorced when I was five. The split was less than amicable. Even at such a young age, I remember them screaming and throwing heavy objects at each other. After my mom and I moved out, I was constantly bouncing around in this limbo between two people who clearly held so much hate for each other. I remember all too much of them talking behind each other's backs and general ill will.

Right now, I feel like I'm once again the kid in the middle of a divorce... only between a new set of parents.

I know that people get tired of reading about this, but I honestly don't care right now. I'm having huge issues reconciling my faith and my sexuality, and I have to get it out. I constantly feel like the kid caught in the middle while both sides blast against each other. I know that neither side is perfect but also that I can identify with and understand many of the feelings of both the "Christian Right" and the "Gay Agenda". It's a tough place to be put in the middle of, and I think there are more people that feel this tension than I realize.

So, I've decided to do something about it. I was given a book from someone at West End United Methodist Church called Reconciling Journey: A Devotional Workbook for Lesbian and Gay Christians. It's a ten week workbook that is "designed to deepen your Christian discipleship by integrating your sexual orientation and your faith in Jesus Christ."

Each day has a devotion, a verse, and a topic of prayer. The introduction also recommends keeping a daily journal and finding a prayer partner. This is where lj comes in.

I'm going to be writing about this book in my lj, and I'd love it if someone would be interested in being my prayer partner. Basically, that just means that we'll pray for each other and whatever is on our hearts. And I'm also particularly excited about the diverse insight that I hope to receive on these entries. I have lj friends from all faith walks of life; from agnostics to atheists to seminary graduates and everything in between. Please feel free to comment any way you like on any and all of these entries.

I imagine I'll probably lose a few lj friends over this, as some people probably don't want to read about Jesus everyday. And I respect that. I'll definitely be a bit sad as I've grown rather attached to my lj community, but this is the real me, and that's what lj is all about.