The word "homosexual" always seem a bit harsher and less friendly than the word "gay." Often implying a degree of pathology, it's a pseudo-clinical term most frequently used by those opposed to same-sex relations. Admittedly, it's rather effective. Indeed even as a gay man, the term "homosexual rights" does sound less appealing than "gay rights."

And there is a conservative Christian news site called onenewsnow.com that knows this very well.

Like many news outlets, onenewsnow.com reprints articles from the Associated Press. They also apparently take it upon themselves to change the wording in some of these articles. Many of the articles are edited to replace the word "gay" with the word "homosexual."

This "minor" change doesn't always yield the desired results, though... particularly when "Gay" is your last name. This AP report:



Became this:

"Gay people have been around for a long time, right?"

Don't Say "Gay"
A proposed state law would ban any discussion of homosexuality in elementary and middle schools.
BY BIANCA PHILLIPS | JANUARY 31, 2008

...Representative Stacey Campfield of Knoxville filed a bill last week that would prevent public elementary and middle schools from allowing "any instruction or materials discussing sexual orientation other than heterosexuality."...

[link]

I'm pretty sure that my favorite part of this webpage was the reader comment at the bottom:

WTF - this sounds like it should be in Mississippi!

::INTERCOM::
This is a fire drill. This is a fire drill.

Girl: Oh, man. Does that mean we have to go outside?
Guy #1: Uh, yeah. Did you get the memo?
Guy #2: You didn't get the memo?
Girl: Yeah, I got the memo.

while grocery shopping in the cereal isle yesterday...

Patrick: Grab some Cinnamon Life.
Bradford: Where is it?
Patrick: It's the one with the little black boy on the front.
Bradford: Um, that's Curious George.
Patrick: Same difference.
---

We had a new hire today named Ryan, so I went next door to setup his system.

Ryan: Are you here to setup my computer?
Bradford: Yes, sir. I am.
Ryan: My name's Ryan.
Bradford: I'm Bradford. Nice to meet you.
Judith: to Ryan Oh, don't listen to a word he says! He's trouble!
::everyone laughs::

Why do people say things like that? It isn't funny. It's just dumb. And yet, everyone still laughs at that line as if it's the first time he's ever heard it.

Listen to me, people. That isn't funny.

People are dumb.

Wednesday night my mom and I are in my car riding home from church, and my Nextel walkie-talkie beeps...

---
::beep beep::
Hey, Bradford? You there?
::beep beep::
Yeah, what's up?
::beep beep::
Hey, I need a male stripper for tonight. You know anybody that might be interested?
---

Is it possible that this call could have come at a more inopportune time than while I was on the way home from church with my mom who kicked me out for being gay?!

I think not.

Ok, so I guess it's true when they say, "don't knock it 'til you've tried it."

On Saturday night, I got drunk for the first time ever.

Yep, so, it was pretty much amazing. I thought I was a pretty friendly guy sober, but let me tell you that the drunk-Bradford is about ten times as friendly.

Saturday night was the end-of-summer YMCA lifeguard party held at my house. There were an estimated 75 people over the course of the evening. Half of these people had no connection to the YMCA, and/or I had never met them before. Kristian observed that the day after a party is like waking up from a group dream; you try to remember all the great little details that made the dream wonderful, only in this case you have dozens of people remembering with you and helping to fill in the blanks. I'll try to touch on the highlights.

Since I haven't updated in a while, no one really knew that I found a new roommate, much thanks to roommates.com. His name is Patrick, and he's a bartender at the Mellow Mushroom in downtown Franklin. Patrick took it upon himself to find an alcohol that would get me successfully inebriated without causing me to yak everywhere. After four good shots of Patrone (sp?), I was pretty much feeling weird. The hazed over eyes and the weakened coordination - along with a burning need to meet and introduce myself to literally each person at my house - were the first signs that I was getting some of the effects.

When you have a big party with lots of teenagers and underage drinking, there's also plenty of house trashing that goes on as well. The stains on the carpet didn't bother me too much, as I don't plan on keeping it that long anyway; I was just glad that I didn't find any holes in my walls. I wasn't too excited when the marijuana came out, so I made sure that those people went down the street and got it off my property. Here's more or less how that scene went...

Bradford: Dude, you cannot smoke marijuana at my house.
Kristian: Really?
Bradford: Really.
Kristian: Are you sure?
Bradford: I'm sure!
::Kristian leans in and hard-core makes out with Bradford in the middle of the driveway in front of twenty people::
Kristian: How about now?
Bradford: No!
::repeat two or three more times::
Bystander wigger boy: Man, that fuckin faggot shit makes me sick! They need to take that somewhere else!
Patrick: Excuse me? He's the owner of the house.
Wigger: So?
Patrick: So he's my roommate, and you don't need to disrespect him like that.

Yeah, so Patrick stuck up for me, and it made me feel mucho loved. He's pretty cool for a hetero.

Speaking of love, there was plenty of that to be had at my house as well. Alcohol and booty were the main themes of the evening. I got to lifeguard the next day at the YMCA with five other guards who all had hangovers, hickeys or a combination of the two. Oh, another good scene to remember!

Yeah, so I was once again out in the driveway with Stacey, Chris, Andrea, and a few other people, when Andrea totally grabs me and makes out with me. I pull away and immediately walk inside to Casey and Annie.

Bradford: I just made out with a girl. Is that gross?
Annie: Oh, no, sweetie. I've made out with girls before. It's ok.
Casey: Uh, gross? Why would it be gross? ::five seconds of confusion:: Wait, are you gay?
Bradford: Yeah.
Casey: Oh.

There were quite a many scenes involving exploration and discovery of sexual orientation; far too many to tell. Like the follow-up to this a few hours later where Casey came in my room to tell me that he never would have thought I was gay and follow with the typical twenty questions. Or the time when Moulton Leblanc asked a stunned, "Dude, are you a homosexual?" which led to many "rock on!" and high-five moments. Or the time when EJ, a borderline homophobe lifeguard, realized that it probably wasn't the greatest idea to have made out with Kristian and let him suck his cock, which led to the set of twenty questions on the subject of "how do you know if you're gay?" and the "No, dude, I ain't gay! There's no way!" Or the time... ok, you get the picture.

Speaking of pictures, JR got plenty of nice shots of lots of people at the party, including a couple of quite entertaining videos. I've been begging him for copies for days now; I'll post when I get them.

And I'll be sure to post a group invitation to the next party.

Joey: Is that movie any good?
Bradford: Phantom of the Opera? Oh, it's amazing.
Michael: Isn't it a musical?
Bradford: yeah? so?
Michael: Joey, you don't want anything to do with musicals. If it doesn't have blood or titties, we don't want to see it.
Bradford: What about Evita? It's got Madonna!
Michael: So, what? Everyone's seen her titties already!

My parents, my little brother Mark and I went to pickup my sister's new car in Rivergate yesterday. She'll be turning sixteen in two weeks, so it's only fair that she get a new Volkswagen Beetle, right? (I'm not bitter, seriously.) Anyway, there were plenty of good quotes to be noted, so I thought I'd share.

While passing 100 Oaks mall
Mom: I don't know why they put Expo Design all the way out here. It's not like anyone here can afford to shop there.

When exiting in Madison
Mark: Is this what they call the projects?

Leaving the car dealership
Mark: I'm starving! Can we get something to eat, please?!
Mom: Not here. It's not safe. We'll stop somewhere when we get closer to our world.

[I promise my family really isn't as stuck up as they seem. ::sigh::]

Mom: It's really hard for Christan because all of her friends' parents get them whatever they want, so she just thinks we're being mean. Why can't she be friends with any poor people?
Bradford: Because there aren't any.
Mom: Oh, right. There's no poor people in Franklin?
Bradford: Do you know any?
Mom: Well, no.
Bradford: Yeah, me neither.
Mom: Well, I'm sure there are some poor people around here.
Bradford: Marky, are you friends with any poor people?
Mark: Yeah, I've seen poor people before. Like that one lady. I don't know her name, though.

A couple of months ago, I wrote about how this site is quite frustrating. Today, Byron let us know what he thinks about Paris Hilton.

[today's devotion]

It's pretty obvious that pretty Paris Hilton is pretty messed up...
When you add her perspective on material possessions to her sex tapes, bashing her best friend and relying on her dog for anti-ghost protection, you must conclude that the apostle Paul would ask Paris, "Why are you scoffing God?"  

---

That's really great, Byron. Good job on not judging on people.

Quote:
Why should all of society suffer because these twisted lackwits can't handle their own sexuality?
I wish we could just test children for orientation.
Gay, straight, or OTHER. We could examine and change whatever damaging influence caused them to be OTHER, and get them in the homosexual group where they belong.
Oh, and give them therapy, LOTS of therapy...
---

Quote:
I keep wondering how long until they make an ammendment against inter-racial marriage... y'know because 'God Made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Moesha'.
---

Quote:
Alan Colmes: You had sex with animals?
Neal Horsley [anti-abortionist]: Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.

[source]
---

Quote:

[Alan] Colmes asked if [Fred] Phelps ever had a gay experience...

Interestingly, Phelps never gave an outright denial. Instead, he said, "Alan get off of that. That's a filthy, impertinent question and you know the answer to it... and if you keep harping on it, you're gonna be talking to yourself."

[source] - [background] - [photos]

( more photos... )

Bill: You're doing your hair differently.
Bradford: Yeah, I'm trying to decide if I want to grow it out longer or if I want to shave it all off.
Bill: Shaving it is so much easier.
Bradford: I've done it plenty of times before, but I don't like the way I look.
Bill: Vanity is a dangerous thing.

a phone call from a user earlier today...

User: My computer has been running really slow lately, and I talked with someone earlier today who recommended that I mail my system in. I wanted to see if you could help me get set up on this spare computer until mine gets fixed.
Bradford: Sure, I'll just need you to hook up all the cables and make sure that it has a network connection so that I can transfer your files over.
User: Hmm, I don't think I have another network cable.
Bradford: There should be one at every desk. Do you have any extra cubicles left in your office?
User: Yes, but I don't think that cable will work with this system. Actually, I don't think it's a computer. I think it's a printer.
Bradford: I'm sorry, but I can't turn a printer into a computer.

Malaria is more severe in people who have had their spleen removed (spleenectomy).

You know who I'm talking to. Happy Birthday.

[link]

Topic I
Tennessee legislators amended the anti-gay adoption bill. Now it basically says that gay couples can't adopt. Gay individuals would still be able to legally adopt, but married heterosexual couples are given first priority. Representative Chris Clem said of the amendment, "To be perfectly blunt I [couldn't] get it out of this committee unless I watered it down.”


Topic II
Nashville's Connections, self-described as the nation's largest gay bar, has closed. While I haven't been there in over a year and a half, I'm sad that it did close. I had lots of memories there, both good and bad, including losing my club-virginity.


Topic III
Last night, I went to Pizza Inn with my brother and sister. I got to eat my favorite of their stuff - the chocolate chip pizza. While we were there, we watched the Disney Channel Original Movie, Eddie's Million Dollar Cook-Off. The movie is about a boy named Eddie who is captain of the baseball team and the most admired jock around. One day while experimenting with a bunch of his friends, he realizes that baseball isn't his passion and that he is really meant to be a cook. The entire movie is a complete metaphor for Eddie coming out of the closet. About ten minutes into the movie, after Eddie has started secretly practicing his cooking when no one is home; after he signs up for home ec class and tells his friends it was an "accident"; after we see that he is the only boy at his school who carries a messenger bag; my sister and I look at each other and say, "Are they really serious?" I don't think I have ever seen a movie with a more glaring double meaning. There were times when the quotes were utterly indisputable.

Dad: I just don't understand Eddie. He won't talk to me anymore.
Mom: He won't talk to you? Or he just isn't saying what you want to hear?
---
Eddie's friend DB: Just tell me the truth Eddie! Do you really like Home Ec?!
Eddie: No, I hate it! [pause] Ok... well... maybe I don't hate it as much as you guys do.
---
I can't even list anymore without falling out of my chair laughing. Anyway, it was a great movie, and everyone should watch it next time it comes on.

Pizza Inn also now has Big Buck Hunter - the greatest game of all time - so I wasted a ton of my sister's quarters on that.

( there ain't no such thing as a bad day to hunt. )

A girl at work brought her computer to me first thing this morning.

Girl: Here's my computer.
Me: Why are you bringing me this? What's wrong with it?
Girl: Well it was giving me an error message that said I didn't have any more ROM left.
Me: I've never heard that one before.
Girl: Oh, and I accidentally deleted Windows.

I babysat last night for a lady named Mo that works with me. She just moved here from one of our offices out in California, and she has two awesome daughters, ages nine and five. The five year old was extremely talkative and had a sincere interest in hair...

girl whose name I cannot spell: I go to school with a boy named Elijah who has short hair like yours.
me: Really? That's cool.
girl: I thought your hair was going to be blonde.
me: Well, it's not very blonde.
girl: Is it kinda red?
me: A little bit, I guess, yeah.
girl: What color hair does your wife have?
me: I don't have a wife.
girl: What color hair do your kids have?
me: I don't have any kids.
girl: You eat dinner and sleep all by yourself?
me: Yep, I do.
girl: That's very lonely.


( PS: I got braces. )

Suzette: You have to be really patient with patients on the phone because some of them are disabled, and they may not speak very clearly.
Brad: Actually. Um. They're all disabled. That's why they need a wheelchair.


---

PS: I just took my first bp pill. I'll have Paul let you know if he has to call an ambulance when I foam at the mouth.